The difference between being aggressive and being assertive is an interesting one and it\u2019s sometimes a challenge for anyone who isn\u2019t used to being either. All too often people realise that being the walked-over-passive-type isn\u2019t working for them and flip to being aggressive… ironically becoming the very type of person that they found difficult themselves and making other people\u2019s lives a misery.<\/p>\n
This brief blog just highlights a few of the common misconceptions about assertive and aggressive behaviour. It isn\u2019t intended as a full explanation!<\/p>\n
Myth 1<\/strong> – aggressive people are rude. Well true, they can be. But it\u2019s also possible to be both polite and aggressive. The working definition of aggressive that we take in our training (which is designed for an office\/workplace environment) is that aggression is when you don\u2019t take due account of the other person\u2019s rights and\/or integrity. It doesn\u2019t matter how politely you phrase you instruction or putdown, it\u2019s aggression.\u00a0 \u201cYou need to work this weekend\u201d can be said in the most friendly tone of voice imaginable but if you\u2019re riding roughshod over the other person\u2019s right to say they don\u2019t want to (or can\u2019t) work that weekend, it\u2019s aggression.<\/p>\n Myth 2<\/strong> – aggression is the best way to get what you want. It might<\/em> be in the short term, but all it does in the long term is build up resentment. People will fight you whenever they can. If they don\u2019t feel able to stand up to you directly, they\u2019ll find ways of undermining you indirectly. For example, following on from the example above, you might be able to force them to come into the office on Saturday, but how do you think you\u2019re going to force them to be productive…?<\/p>\n Myth 3<\/strong> – aggressive people are strong. Well I\u2019m sure some of them are, but all to often aggression is brittle and is being used to hide a level of insecurity. After all, it\u2019s easier to bully someone into doing something for you than it is to tell them you don\u2019t know how to do it and then ask them to show you how!<\/p>\n In reality, no one expects you to know everything, so there\u2019s no shame in asking for help.<\/p>\n Myth 4<\/strong> – aggression is efficient. Really? If you force<\/b> me to make you a cup of tea by being aggressive, what\u2019s going to happen the next time you want a cup of tea? You\u2019re going to have to bully me again. And again. And again. Annnddddd agaiiiinn… Each time you do that, you\u2019ll find it gets harder and harder as I become more and more resistant. Even if it\u2019s not a direct row, I\u2019m going to spoil your cup – too much milk or too little. Even if you correct me and force me to make you a fresh one it\u2019s taking your time and energy. Believe me, I can make you spend more time, energy and effort forcing me to make you a cup of tea than it would have taken you to make it yourself! And what about the next time? You\u2019ve got to start the battle of attrition all over again. And I\u2019m certainly never<\/b> going to make you a cup of tea voluntarily!<\/p>\n Myth 5<\/strong> – aggressive people are charismatic. Tosh. Sometimes charismatic people are aggressive, sure, but that\u2019s a different thing entirely. Charismatic people are charismatic for a whole range of reasons, none of them particularly to do with being aggressive – although my experience is that they can often be aggressive if they need to be.<\/p>\n Myth 6<\/strong> – aggression is always wrong. I believe in explaining things to people so that they\u2019re on your side. (If you can\u2019t do that you either need to get better at explaining things or you\u2019re in the wrong yourself – learn from that!). However, there are times when there simply isn\u2019t time to be reasonable – in the face of an emergency, for example. But even here, think about it – do you know the story of the boy who cried \u201cWolf!\u201d? If you\u2019re known for being aggressive, you\u2019ll be less effective than if you\u2019re not: in the latter case, people are more likely to realise you\u2019re being aggressive for a reason and not fight back.<\/p>\n So there you go – a few aggression at work myths. There’s nothing there that’s not common sense when you think about it, is there? \u00a0So why is there so often aggression in the office?!<\/p>\n Here’s a thought to leave you with – You can’t control the other person. If they’re being aggressive, being aggressive back isn’t going to do much other than leave you both exhausted. \u00a0Why not try doing something different? \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The difference between being aggressive and being assertive is an interesting one and it\u2019s sometimes a challenge for anyone who isn\u2019t used to being either. All too often people realise that being the walked-over-passive-type isn\u2019t working for them and flip to being aggressive… ironically becoming the very type of person that they found difficult themselves […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-676","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general-thoughts","category-myths-and-rants"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/676","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=676"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/676\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.awareplus.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}