A friend of mine died recently, in the morning. Â We knew it was coming – we’ve known for nine months but it’s still a shock. As my wife and I introduced him and his wife 25 years ago in a theatre company we were running and I read at their wedding, I’m going to read at his funeral. It’s not the easiest reading in the world… Â 1 Corinthians 15. 42-57.
So how am I going to do it? Â Hopefully with all the dignity that he showed in facing his death.
Why am I writing this? Â Perhaps because I need to say something to let the grief out a little bit at a time – to be almost finished in my grieving before the funeral. Â That’s how I’m going to be able to finish the reading… like any professional, I need to stay in charge of my emotions when I perform. Â And it is a performance: I was asked to read in no small part because my friend knew I’d do it professionally. Â His family wouldn’t make it from one end of the reading to the other but he’s trusting me to work my craft.
What else will I do? Practice… practice…. and more practice. Â By the time I go stand up in the church, I will not stumble, I will not falter, cry or stammer. Â I will be what my friend wants me to be – my professionalism is my compliment to him, not a cop-out.
Simon,
This post has a particular resonance for me. Thank you for sharing a difficult moment. Almost exactly a year ago my mother died and I prepared, after a few long days, to deliver an address at her funeral. I’m sure it helped, somewhat oddly, that her service was so well attended, precisely because it added to the sense of performance. Just as you describe it.
Though I practiced often enough (in real time and out loud, naturally) I found the most important thing to focus on was the tone – not too solemn, nor too ‘confident’ (to mask the deeper emotions). What helped me then was the idea that I was sharing a one-on-one conversation with my children and nieces. In that way I was able to share one or two lighter asides and maintain, I hope, a balance.
I appreciate that a reading doesn’t allow for that element, but I think that sometimes the solemnity of the occasion can overtake a reader. I wonder if you agree that the tone can add greatly to both the professionalism you mention, but also to the effect we so much want to achieve of honouring our closest friends and family members?
With best wishes,
Colin
Hi Colin – thanks for your thoughts.
I’d certainly agree the ‘tone’ is the thing I’m struggling with most – I’ve tried it every way I can think of…. even trying some irony as I experiment with getting it right! :)
Technically I’m on top of it now – just got to find the voice that does justice – serious but not sad. He’d haunt me if I went for sad! :)
Excellent Post!
I once had a similar experience and am glad I, also, practiced, practiced, and practiced.
It was important to say, and I got it done well.
You will, also!