A comedy of presentation errors…

One of my favourite rules for presenting is (with apologies to the plenty of great places to work out there) simply to “Never trust the venue”. Here’s why…

• I arrived at 8:15 or a 9:30 start. Reception had no knowledge of the booking. I showed here the email I had from her venue, at which point she went for the manager. Sadly the manager didn’t start work until nine, which I felt didn’t give me time to set up or (heaven forbid!) get to a different venue in time if it was my mistake.   I was sure it wasn’t as I’d got their confirmation emails, don’t forget.
• I asked “If the event is here, where do you think it would be? I’d like to risk setting up”. There’s only one possible room it could be. No key. Stress. Key found. Door unlocked. Venue set up for a small wedding party of 15 or so from yesterday, not the significantly bigger numbers my client had told me to expect.
• I start setting up and the manager arrives. She’s more interested in who let me in the room without her permission than the fact that the venue’s not sorted out. I end up resorting to something like “Do you think it would be possible to sort out responsibility later?  Right now we need an extra 30 chairs, to move the tables and to find a screen of some kind!”
• Much panic ensues as we realise there are no portering staff on duty. I set up my kit while everyone and her dog is roped in to move chair in the meantime. Chairs fly everywhere, behind me. I ignore them all, except the one that clips me on the knee as it is pushed passed me.
• We discover that the fluffy white nylon backdrop for the wedding can’t come down and has to stay there all through my presentation. I ask if, at the very least, the fairy lights can be removed. Even Barbie would blush at how naff it is.
• No power – their extension cable isn’t working. The one I’ve brought in case of emergencies is already committed to powering the camera and microphone because they only have one and the gig needs two.  An emergency  replacement extension is found – brand new. Great. But it’s only five metres long and the power socket is six metres away. An additional extension is found and they’re plugged into each other.
• I idly muse to myself about health and safety and covers for the curly white extension cable snaking randomly over the floor as a result of their fuss and decide I’m a sufficient pro I can remember to step over things rather than cause more fuss. I dig out my gaffa tape and fasten things down to make less of a death trap. The manager is concerned about the damage I’m apparently doing to her (bloody awful) carpet.
• Teas and coffees arrive at 9:20 ready for the break in an hour and a half. I ask if they’re going to stay warm. They realise they won’t and take them away.
• The audience arrive and I do the swan thing – let no one see how hard you’re paddling.

Oh yeah, my life is soooo rock ‘n’ roll! :)